i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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