I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
