Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize