her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
