The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
