his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
