Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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