I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
and you fell through a lawn chair
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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