Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
