loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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