he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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