If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
