I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize