I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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