shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
one two three fourrrrnication!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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