i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
sex in a hospital.. check
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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