I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
