she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
