I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We talked him into tasing himself.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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