: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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