yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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