I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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