I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
