Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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