Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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