wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize