I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
