I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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