Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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