Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
