I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
