Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
