think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
