you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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