My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
