I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
