When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
