It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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