My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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