i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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