Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
