Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
