Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
