for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
