My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
