I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
