Sponge bath it is.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize