do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
