Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
