what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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