god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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