i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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