I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
