I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
