a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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