Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
