we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize