I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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