I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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