I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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