your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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