Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
