So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
