Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize