he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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