debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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