Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
