You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize