they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
