Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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