My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
