i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
