I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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