At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
