maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
