Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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